You can’t un-know something once you know it. You can forget things, certainly – some things. But those things are usually facts or formulas. I’m talking about experiences, and how they change us.
I’ve been divorced. I can never be who I was prior to that experience. It changed me.
I’m a mom. I can never be who I was prior to becoming a parent. I am not the same. I have learned and grown and hopefully, become a little wiser.
This campaign is the same thing. I’m starting to see it for what it is and how God means it to be in my life. You see, November 4th may or may not change my life, but the experience of getting there already has.
I will never look at people the same way again. I will never open my door to a candidate the same way again, or even think about politics the same way. Because it has become personal. Just like the other major experiences of my life, this process has shed new light on me, and the world around me. And I don’t mind telling you, some of what the light has shown on hasn’t been pretty – in myself or in the outside world.
I’m learning though. And I never want to stop growing and learning. It’s what sets us apart in creation. This metamorphosis into who we ultimately become is how I believe God intended for our lives to play out. I believe He wants us to embrace every circumstance, every experience, and allow Him to use it to shape us more into His image.
But we have to yield to it. And that’s where I’m struggling. Where I always struggle. We get to a place that is, if not comfortable, at least familiar, and when it’s time to climb the next mountain we –I – fight it every step of the way.
Sometimes, through the extreme roller-coaster of this election cycle, I wish I could go back to un-knowing some things. My feelings have been hurt, my confidence stomped, my intentions or abilities dismissed. I’ve had people slam the door in my face, laugh at me, try to get the best of me. I’ve had people let me down and I’ve had strangers build me up. I’ve sweated and baked in the sun and rubbed blisters on my feet and ran from dogs and even literally tripped and fallen. And at the end of those days it’s very easy to say, “Why am I doing this again?” To ask the Lord, “Are we almost to the top of this mountain yet?”
But I also wouldn’t un-know many of the valuable lessons I have already learned for anything in the world.
I wouldn’t un-know the people I’ve met and formed closer relationships with. People that were only acquaintances before, I now consider good friends.
I wouldn’t un-know the courage that I found deep inside to do something most people never will do in their lifetime. Run for public office.
I wouldn’t un-know the deepening of the bond and the teamwork this experience has forged between me and my husband.
I wouldn’t un-know the truly heartfelt and kind things that people have said in their support of me.
I wouldn’t un-know the active, exhilarating faith it takes to step out on the water and trust God completely to hold me up – whatever comes next.
And I wouldn’t even un-know the sunburns, the blisters, or the blows to my ego. Because, if victory is mine, then it’ll be all the sweeter. Because it won’t have been easy.
So I’m changing. Every day, every new challenge – it’s an opportunity to give way to the Potter’s Hands. Those hands know exactly what the finished product will be, and that’s good enough for me.