By this time next week, I will have finished my last day at my current job. After nearly 8 and a half years, I’m closing this chapter and starting a new one. And, as I am prone to do, I reflect.

When I first came to work for this organization, I knew absolutely nothing about it, and within 3 months, my boss took another job and I was left to sink or swim. So I swam.

But now it’s time to swim somewhere else. For a lot of reasons. Some are personal, some are political, but mostly, it’s just time to move on. It’s PAST time to move on.

And it’s scary – this moving on business. The older I get, the less I like disruptions to my routine. But I also know I’m not being challenged enough, not able to use my gifts and talents to their fullest abilities, and the stability that I want for my career simply isn’t going to be found where I am.

The job I’ll soon be taking is not one that many people would jump at. In fact, I’m kind of surprised that I jumped at it. I don’t know that I could do much more of a 180 in terms of job responsibilities, unless I went to work at Hooters or something. But even then, I’d be “marketing” so….. I don’t want to say much about it yet, because I haven’t started the new job, but it will be different.

To be perfectly and brutally honest, I’m thankful for the opportunity, I’m excited to do something different, and I know I’ve made the right decision. But there’s a piece of me, deep down inside, that just isn’t satisfied. My dad has always told me that a job is just a means to an end. But I’ve always felt like it didn’t have to be only that. But more and more I feel like that’s where I’m heading. To work, make a check, and bring it home. And, I guess in terms of knowing that what I do helps support my family, that should be fulfilling enough. But it’s not. And I don’t know why.

Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I’m too full of pride. Maybe I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

I’ve been pretty mad at God lately. And I’ve told Him too. I feel like I’ve taken every step of faith that He’s required of me for the last 9 years and yet here I am…..feeling like I’m still in the wilderness instead of a promised land.

However, I’ve come to a crossroad, made a decision, and while I feel many mixed emotions, I am at peace. God is unchanging. Through ends of old chapters and beginnings of new ones, He is faithful. Even when nothing turns out as I expect, He remains with me.

“Wherever He leads, I’ll go.
Wherever He leads, I’ll go.
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so.
Wherever He leads, I’ll go.”

I can say that, with confidence, only because I know how God uses all the pieces of our lives to create a beautiful tapestry. I don’t understand these particular threads, but I trust the One who weaves them.

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