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It’s Friday and I’m beyond tired. But I have to write. I have to. 

I could probably go to bed, get up tomorrow, drink half a pot of coffee and write something at least mildly interesting, or even poignant, but tonight, I just need to put some thoughts in the Pensieve, so read on if you wish, but don’t have high expectations, mmmkay? 

This week I helped pull off an annual fundraiser for my church, watched my child get academic honors, got mad at some politicians, had words with someone, and lost 4 lbs.

Lent has begun which means a lot of people are giving up things. I’m just trying to keep caring. That’s what feels like my self-denial right now. Because it takes a lot out of a person to give a flip about big issues. And you have to fact check everything because everyone has an agenda.

Two things that have irritated me this week beyond measure are (1) adults acting like children and being petty and (b) people who assume that just because someone is a “good guy” that they are above reproach and can’t still learn a few things about how to be a decent human being.

I’ve been on a kicker ever since our new president got elected. I care about issues across the board but I struggle with activism because I don’t want to sound like an idiot when I articulate my thoughts because I see so much of that on social media and it makes me nauseated.

I want to write more. I’m doing all I can to do that and not neglect my responsibilities, but the more I write, the more I want to write. It’s becoming a sickness I think. It’s not about time management so much as there’s only so much time in a day and I only have so much energy to give.

I keep getting odd friend requests from men that I don’t know but are mutual friends with people I know. And I wonder why. They don’t seem to be selling anything. They don’t seem like the type to enjoy my writing style. It’s kinda creepy. 

My daughter proclaimed this morning that she had threatened to staple a kids’ lips shut yesterday. It was a proud moment for me. I would have never thought of doing such an ingenious thing. I stole her thoughts for my snapchat story today and when she saw it, she threatened to sue me for copyright infringement. I love that kid.

And speaking of snapchat, my husband took a screenshot of almost half the pictures I sent him today. Before you get your mind in the gutter, I assure you, they were just of my face. How sweet is it that the man thinks I’m so beautiful he keeps those pictures of me? I am really thankful for someone who tells me how pretty I am. It sounds superficial, but after 10 years, it’s nice to know your significant other still finds you very attractive. 

I had lunch with one of my best friends today. That never gets old. For 12 years she’s had my back and vice versa. We’ve shared many a meal and conversation and I don’t think she’ll ever know how much I love it. Or her. I can be having the crappiest of days and I’m smiling when we part ways.

I really love where I am in my life. As crazy busy as I am, the things that I’ve done the first 2 months of this year for myself have made a huge difference in my level of life satisfaction. 

Someone finally hired me to write for them based on my writing ability alone. I have the book club I always wanted. I’m writing here on a very steady basis. My hair is red. My hormones seem to have finally leveled out after 15 months post-hysterectomy and I don’t get all weepy when I see babies.

My husband and I feel like we’re in one of the most honest places we’ve ever been and we continue to grow in our relationship.

My child is awesome. Blows me away every day with her wit, her smarts, and her creativity. 

For all the crazy that is in my head on a daily basis, I finally feel like I’m in control of my own mind and don’t obsess over certain things, mainly people, and second guess who and what I am. I have taken ownership of many things from my past and don’t let it control me or my future.

I’m sitting here now, exhausted as I type. It’s Friday and I am being a hermit all weekend because I’m tired. I am taking care of myself the next two days and am getting ready to schedule some days off to do absolutely nothing but sleep and write. 

I can’t wait.

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