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Climbing sucks.

But sometimes after a period of incredible lows, you inch your way to an amazing high. 

It doesn’t come easily, but you appreciate it more when it does. 

Throughout the last few weeks, I have been in a series of decision making processes. 

Big decisions. Jobs. Purchases. 

And as I approach another birthday, I realized just how far I’ve come in the last decade or so.

Thirty-five isn’t old, but as it gets closer, it feels like more of a milestone than 20 or 30. 

I’m in a good place. 

I got to this good place through a load of anxiety. Tears. Prayers. And hard, hard work. In my job. But on myself.

The autonomy I have learned this year through therapy helped me break through places I had been stuck for most of my life. 

The chains that held me were people pleasing, self doubt, broken dreams, poor past decisions. A lack of forgiveness for myself and for others 

It took me going back, in my heart and mind to some very difficult places. Scary places. Lonely places. Disappointing places. Events and people I wanted to forget. 

But they shaped me. I just had to learn that the control I so desperately wanted, I actually had all along. 

I just had to use it. In positive ways. Healing ways.

My life is so far from perfect. I have so much yet to learn. 

I took a spill this week. An actual fall, to my knees. I scraped them, scraped my hand. I’ll have some scars. But I found it ironic. Because it doesn’t really hurt very much. Even though the fall was painful, the recovery isn’t so bad. 

I learned. The fall taught me. 

The recovery will teach me too.

I learned not to wear a certain type of shoe in an uneven parking lot, or….well, period. 

And I’ve learned to trust myself. And trust in the God who gave me the common sense I had to begin with.

Red letter days don’t happen often. Usually after days, months, maybe even years of mediocrity or downright crappy things. Days when you have no idea if things will get better or not. But they can if you take some control over what you can. And leave the rest up to the One who always had your back, even when you weren’t sure that He did.

I see His handiwork through all of the bad stuff, but not until I got to the good stuff. That’s just how it works. That’s why I can bear the bad, even when it feels like it’s going to break me.

Not losing faith is not easy sometimes. But when those fractured pieces start to come together…..God. It’s beautiful.

The view is so worth the climb. 

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