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I was looking at a picture of my mom and me today. The day we bought our tiaras and wore them for the rest of the day: shopping, out to eat. It was awesome. 

Nobody bothers you when you have a crown on your head. I mean people “bother” you, as in, they ask what the hell you’re doing with a tiara on….. but the little things that we so often worry about are….beneath you.

And really, there’s no reason why it can’t be that way every day. Because a tiara isn’t a $7 item you place on your head, it’s a state of mind.

It’s a statement. It says, “I don’t care what anyone else says about me. I know my own worth.”

There’s a difference in pride and confidence. And I’m not talking about being conceited or belittling to others. It’s more of a not-today-satan attitude. 

I’ve had to make some decisions lately that might make me come across as selfish, maybe even bitchy. And maybe it’s the aging process, or maybe it’s that tiara state of mind, but I’m not losing sleep over them. 

I’m doing what I believe is best, for me. And by doing that, it’s what is best for others, because I’m being my best self.

It’s not an easy place to get to if you have people-pleasing tendencies that are ingrained into your very being. But it really delivers on freedom. Mental and emotional freedom. 

I have too long been a slave of the mentality that I have to keep everyone else happy. That’s an impossible task. And I’m done with it.

Done.

Finito.

When I look back on my Facebook memories in another 5 years, I want to see that tiara mentality in everything. I don’t want to see that my life was ruled by fear and anxiety.

The first step is in dealing with the root of the problem. For me, that meant hours in therapy. It was worth every single second. I was finally able to let go of a LOT that had been suffocating me for 30+ years.

The next step is taking a little white pill every day of my life. Maybe forever. Because I cannot beat my own genetics into submission. Not with 100 tiaras or even one with real diamonds.

And the next step is making the hard decisions, every day. The ones that might hurt someone else’s feelings or cause them to question my motives or simply don’t make sense to anyone else but me. 

At the end of the day, I’m the one that has to live or die by those decisions. And I’m not, by nature, an overly selfish person. But I will self-preserve. Because I have a daughter to think of. So even my most basic selfishness isn’t really selfish.

In the last 5 years, I’ve done things I never thought I’d do. I’ve graduated from college. I’ve buried people I loved. I’ve started my own business. I’ve gained some professional ground. I’ve come to terms with my own mortality. And I’ve made leaps and bounds with my spirituality and relationship with God.

There have been times when I wish I could go back to simpler moments. But growth comes at a cost. Always. And I’ll take growth over stagnation any day of the week.

I know who I am. At 35 years old, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. I struggle with insecurities about a lot of things still, but most of them are superficial things. Inconsequential. They will take care of themselves. Eventually.

There’s no changing a tiara state of mind once you’ve adopted it. That one decision can make a lifetime of difference. And I’m ready to wear it for life.

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