When the familiar symptoms of depression arrive, life itself becomes an uphill battle.
Couple anxiety with that and….well, I’ve described it as feeling as though if someone touched me, I’d shatter.
Since last April, I’ve experienced some of the worst depression and anxiety of my almost 36 years.
It’s not so debilitating that I am missing work, or seeking inpatient treatment, but it was, these past couple of weeks, reaching levels of concern the likes of which I have not experienced in a very, very long time.
I have learned, through other situations, that I have to be my own fierce advocate for my own mental and physical well being.
I am thankful to have a doctor that listens to me, and works with me to get to the root cause of any issue I’m having.
But even with her, it’s not always an easy journey. Even she looks at me with skepticism at times.
But I know me. I know me better than anyone else. And I know when something ain’t right.
It took 13 years to figure out that I wasn’t crazy. That I did, in fact, have an aggressive and progressed case of endometriosis. Could it have been slowed or even helped way before it was? Probably. But it took me several doctors and a lot of years before anyone would stop prescribing me antidepressants long enough to look at other causes.
Let me be clear here: I most certainly have issues with anxiety and depression.
But that isn’t always the root cause of what and how I’m feeling both physically and mentally.
Still, I wasn’t sure that was the case recently. So I made a doctor’s appointment.
To my own surprise, I didn’t cry when I showed up for my appointment. I just matter-of-factly told my physician how I was feeling. And asked her to check my thyroid.
When it comes to the gold mine of the gene pool, the crowning jewel appears to be thyroid disease, and my sister has been struggling with it for 10 years.
And I remember just how much it threw her mental health issues for a loop with her thyroid first went wonky.
Of course, nobody at a doctor’s office ever calls one back as promised, so I called them for the results of my panels.
Sure enough, my TSH has dropped from 0.516 to 0.015 since my last blood work that was processed 11 months ago.
Which explains a LOT. A whole hell of a lot.
And I have low Vitamin D. Which also explains a LOT.
My doctor is out of town until Monday. I’m sure we’ll have much to talk about upon her return. But she did go ahead and start me on a different antidepressant the day my blood was drawn.
And here’s where being your own advocate gets really dicey.
When I went to get this new script filled, I got a text alert from my pharmacy that it was ready. And that it would be $454.
Yep. No coverage by insurance.
Pardon me, but is big pharma actually trying to get people to commit suicide?
Because that is what is going to happen when you get the wrong mental health patient on the wrong day with that bullshit.
The night I first tried to pick it up, the pharmacy tech couldn’t get my coupon code I found online to process. And she didn’t offer any other solutions. Just handed it back to me and shrugged.
Oh that’s okay, Sheyanne (excuse me while I judge your parents for that ridiculous spelling of a Wyoming CITY), I’ll just try eating more leafy greens. My brain chemistry will be just fine. I’ll just not worry about getting the medicine for my depression.
Thankfully, the next day, someone with better skills was working the computer and was able to get the medicine down to at least an affordable cost. Still, my Doctor will have to contact the insurance company and explain why the prescription that she,
a medical doctor,
wrote for me,
her patient of the last 8 or so years,
was medically necessary.
Sweet baby Jesus in the manger.
Are you serious?
I understand the opioid epidemic. I understand that there are doctors and patients that abuse prescription drugs. But damn if it isn’t like getting a second job to actually get the medicine you need to simply function like a “normal” person.
Now that this particular issue with this particular medicine is being handled, I look to the future. Which, I don’t know yet, but may involve an endocrinologist. And, knowing what I know about other people who deal with under or overactive thyroid, getting this thing regulated and me feeling better may be an uphill battle also. We will simply have to wait and see.
It is a relief to know that my depression and anxiety, in and of itself, was probably not the reason for this most recent and heavy onset of symptoms. But it isn’t exactly fun to realize that I now have a new health issue to contend with.
But, like everything else that I have battled physically and mentally, I will armor up, and face it head on. Darkness might be an old friend, but it isn’t my only friend. Or my best friend.
And now that I know what I’m up against and have the power of knowing the culprit of my issues, I’m hoping it will be a long time until we meet like this again.