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I sent this link to a friend this week who is facing an enormous amount of change in her life right now. Change can be so scary, but it can also be so healthy and valuable. But it’s almost impossible to see that until we’re on the other side of the painful parts of the transformation.

How we approach the concept of change, and how we navigate change itself, is a huge and defining part of our lives. Nothing stays the same. Circumstances are almost always evolving.

I believe that learning to successfully work with our circumstances is the key to life satisfaction. And sometimes that means making a change. And some people don’t like any sort of change, even if they are the ones implementing it, and they will push off the necessity of it as long as possible to avoid the discomfort.

I’ve been one of those people before. Still struggle with it at times. But, being the control freak that I am, I always prefer the discomfort of changes I chose over the ones that chose me.

When I first heard the song above, it resonated with me on a deep level. If you aren’t into playing the audio, here are the lyrics:

This is my skin that I’ve never fit in
I was born the queen of nowhere
Well, this is how it begins
I wonder is this your life
Were you raised in deep water
Are they pushing you down
Are you gonna push harder
I want to know who ever broke you
I want to know how you can grow bigger
Don’t go looking for some kind of rescue
You are the only one who can save you
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
I didn’t know I was a phoenix
Till I learned how to speak
Even with ashes in my mouth
I was still born to breath
I wonder are you like me
Were you left in the fire
Are you raising yourself
Above your father’s empire
I want to know who ever broke you
I want to know how you can grow bigger
Don’t go looking for some kind of rescue
You are the only one who can save you
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
More than the sum of our parts
Look how bright we are
Look at all the things we have come from
Sometimes it hurts when you become them
Sometimes I bury myself in my own wreckage and
Don’t want to come out
Which part of you is still in the wreckage?
Which part of you clipped your own wings?
Which part of you will begin at your own end?
Which part of you will you let live again?
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
We are, who we are more than our scars
We are, who we are more than the sum of our parts
More than our scars
More than the sum of our parts
More than our scars
More than the sum of our parts

It is so easy to focus on those things that hurt us throughout our lives. To let them define us. But in doing so, we forget the bigger picture of who we are, who we’re becoming, because we’re too stuck on who we’ve been. Who we were. And in that way, we let the circumstances of our lives define us, not the other way ’round.

Sometime last week, I looked in the mirror. I do that every day, fixing makeup, hair, etc. But I just sort of stood there a moment, because, honestly, I don’t remember the last time I did that. Not for vanity’s sake, but just to look at the woman reflected there.

She’s changed SO MUCH in the last 36 years. Grown. Evolved. And she continues to become.

Some years ago, she made up her mind to stop letting circumstances and past decisions define her. She made the changes necessary to start creating a life she chose. A life that wasn’t bound by rules of “ought to” and expectations of anyone except herself.

She is more than her scars. All of her scars. She is more than the sum of her parts. So much more.

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