Now that I have been given a diagnosis of Hashimoto’s, I know that I am much more susceptible to other autoimmune disorders.
This morning, I felt completely defeated – mentally and physically. Sunday and Monday were very productive days for me.
I cleaned the house Sunday, in preparation for Book Club the next evening.
On Monday, I worked on 1st of the month stuff at work, reorganizing spreadsheets, preparing reports, etc. Then we had book club. And I only had half a glass of wine.
But this morning…..oy vey.
I felt very much like I had been in a bar fight.
My joints were swollen, achy. My exhaustion factor, on a scale from 1 to 10 was at a 12.
I didn’t know what else to do.
So I stayed home.
I do not want to let this disease and any subsequent issues keep me from being productive and doing the things I need and want to do.
But I also know that my body, however much it is pissing me off right now, is not the enemy.
It’s the disease that is the enemy.
My body is just doing the best it can with what it has to work with.
I’m navigating new waters here. I have no frame of reference for how I physically feel these days other than when I was dealing with endometriosis and that was a different kind of issue. Same fatigue, but different issue. And there was a fix for that. The hysterectomy.
But there isn’t a surgery that will fix this.
This is a lifelong diagnosis that can also lead to other health issues.
I have always, always, always struggled with striking a balance in my life. I stay busy to keep my mind occupied and prevent it from having to deal with anxiety. But I’ve learned that that isn’t healthy. And now, with these new medical issues, if I overdo physical activity – even cleaning my house – it looks as though I’m going to pay for it later.
I can’t just ignore my responsibilities. But I can prioritize them. And there will definitely be a learning curve.
But, ultimately, I’m going to do what I’ve always done.
As a highly sensitive person, I think that I, maybe more than the average Jane, am very much in tune with my body and how it feels. I know when it’s “off”.
I’ve been right about it every time.
And I’m going to continue listen to it. And follow its lead.
If it needs rest, I’m going to rest.
If it needs water, I will give it water.
If it needs movement, I’m going to give it movement.
And I’m going to stop hating it for something that isn’t its fault.
I’m going to stop wishing it was some other way.
I’m going to stop trying to force it into my submission.
Because these new waters? I’m going to need my body to help me navigate them.
I’m going to treat it kindly.